This seasonal depression is killing me

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Supposedly I should be very happy. After all the hard work, I finally have an internship. Supposedly there are only 15 days until GSE and IE, and I should be thrilled. Supposedly I should be enjoying life for a bit and party it up.

But I am not. In fact, I am extremely seasonally depressed. I thought just because I was tired in the past few weeks, I needed more sleep. But now I should be energetic, optimistic, or at least emotional neural. In fact, I am so depressed I couldn’t even go to classroom. I couldn’t pay much attention in class. My mind simply wanders around.

The other day the CEO of Alcoa came to our school and gave a talk. He talked about happiness. He said the path to happiness is freedom and the path to freedom is courage. Freedom?! Where is freedom?! I am fucking trapped in this little cage. Needless to say, New Haven is the depressing cage. It somehow figured out a way to suck all my energy, courage and optimism away. In this empty freezing depressing cage, I felt lonely, cold and goalless most of the time.

Can I just get the hell out of here as soon as possible?! Honestly I am willing to go anywhere warmer or less depressing. You can even throw me into a dessert, just do not put me back to New Haven.

If there is a time machine I could take to go back to a year or two ago, I will stop myself from applying to business school. I am not on the courage-> freedom -> happiness path. I am deviating far from it. If I could take a medicine and forget everything bout business school and simply go back to a normal life, I will swallow it right away. Another year and a half, how am I going to live like this. I need to go to sleep soon. My feet and hands are all frozen.

15 days till I get out of this hell. I hope I am still alive then.

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