A trip 12 years back

No wordpress for the past month when I was in China. Before I leave Asia, I got to stay in Nanning for almost a month, with a trip to Wuhan and a short trip to Guilin.

It feels different living in a home I haven’t lived in for the past 8 years. It was once my only home. It was the home in which I spent my teenage years (14-17). The river is still there, clean ( a rare thing in China). The mountain across the back is now a flat land with a bunch of 30 story buildings. The two bridges at the front haven’t changed much, since it’s not the fast- developed part of the city. Since I had quite some time, I re-read some of the books I have. I also discovered a few of my diaries, from grade 5 to grade 9.

Re-reading my own diary after all these years is an interesting thing. It felt as if I went back to those old days and visited myself. I was really glad that I took the time to write diaries back then. I wasn’t writing everyday, but once or twice a week when there was something worthy. Although I have a fairly good memory, but I still could not recall most of the details about my middle school life without the diary – my thoughts about friends, teachers, school events, and boyfriends ( more or less just young love interest ). I was surprised at how positive my views about life were in general. I need to thank my friends a lot for all the fun and hope back then.

One of the funny things was a note I got when I was in grade 7. A classmate of mine thought I was too much – going against teachers, ignoring some classmates and don’t give a shit about some rules. He/she spelled my name wrong. ><! I also discovered that I haven't changed much after all these years. (still don't give a shit about rules I deem stupid or teachers who are cliche, still ignore those people who don't share the same believes as I do…)

Another important thing I learned was that we cannot take the past back. Good or bad, glamorous or grey, the past belongs to the past. That's the part of our lives we cannot control. I was glad the me in the past did not let the me today down. I had the right attitudes, put in good efforts and was in a good pack. But what's more important is my present and future. If I have only limited days and years, I want to use them wisely.

I met a few of my middle school and high school friends this time, all of them are walking on different paths now. Their characters were pretty much the same, with the exception of one of them. She was once a promising intelligent woman, but now, she's a "trophy girlfriend" for rich man. She is intelligent, but too fragile in her character – she could not face difficulties and handle stress well. One of the reason for the change was her boyfriend in university. Instead of letting her grow independently, he spoiled her. His actions, instead of making her comfortable, damaged her abilities to independently resolve issues. I wish one day she could turn back to the right route, although it's really not my business which path she chooses to take.

I had friends whose parents left them. I feel sorry for my fiends and their families, especially for the ones who are very close to their families. I thought of the days when their parents show up at meeting and shows in middle school. To think of not being able to see one's parents anymore, I could feel the pain my friends are feeling. Life is really fragile. Unexpected things happen all the time. We need to treasure the ones we love and make time for them. Work is only there to make us live better. It should not be put before life. Money only matters when you could enjoy it. It cannot be compared with health and happiness.

I was a fortunate and happy girl 12 years ago. I am a fortunate, happy young woman today.


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