I was once very confident about my MBA. I thought there should not be any problem I get into a great school, harvest endless opportunities to meet entrepreneurs and soon kick off a business venture. As application deadlines get closer, my initial confidence completely diminished. The only thing left is fear.
What if? What if I am not as good as I thought I was? What if schools all made the decision not to take me? What if a couple of my recommenders missed the deadline for reference submission? Did I even submit my GMAT for that school? What if a school misses the GMAT score I sent it? What if all the greatest people in the world are applying this year?
Shit, I made a mistake on a recommender’s title = end of the world! Crap, I made a mistake on an essay = end of the second world! Even worse, why haven’t I finished any essay at all? How come my GMAT score is not superb? Wow, where did the average 4-5 years of experience come from? I haven’t done enough research on the classes. How come only a couple of my friends went to business school before I do? Only if my parents can help me a bit. (One of them can’t speak or read English, the other usually asks me how to spell words.) What happened to my family members? I was the second person in the family ever to go to university without paying extra, first ever to go to an English-speaking university. Would probably also be the first master student…(The other went to Guangxi Univeristy, ranked No. 100 in China…) Those MBA websites recommend getting coffee with recommenders, or treat them for lunch. Great. All of my recommenders live in the other side of the world- thousands of miles away from me. And they are all soooo busy!
Sigh, only if there is more help available; only if there is more guidance; only if there is more support. If you knew me, you probably thoughts all the great things happened so naturally to me. No, they didn’t! Most of the time I was struggling, either with a new language, a new job, a new city, or new friends.
Puff~ Enough complaints. I am going to Hong Kong for the social enterprise summit. It’s gonna be great and I can take a day off! (finally…) When I come back I will be full force on essays. Let’s see who gets who killed first. I just feel the need to document my stress for future reference. ##